Bleak horizon
I am unable to study. To be painfully honest, I have been incapable of studying for a long time. Every day I sit at my desk and spend the first 2 hours staring into the depths of my laptop screen, clicking away at random links. Procrastination is a common disease anyway. I hate this feeling of being weak and incapacitated. Sometimes I wish I had a genie that would grant me a sponge for a brain to soak up all this info. It's excruciating, having to slog through each day, wondering what I am to achieve out of all this text book mugging. It's because I want to graduate with a good degree and have something to distinguish me from any other average Jane or Joe right? But what do I do with my degree? Get a job and earn a living right? And then what happens after I'm done working? Retire. And hopefully live a peaceful life until I can return to my Maker's hands.
But is life actually meant to be so mapped out like that? If our world is so vast and there are many things yet to be discovered why is it that the lives of the majority can be confined to a stigmatic cycle of study and work? Who decided that the apogees of life are graduating, getting married, and one's firstborn (actually it was my mum, but I was trying to adapt it to context)? Putting aside the economic stirrups that stimulate society to function, why can't we just laze our days away soaking up sun rays and do things that don't require brain power? What is our true purpose in life really? It's a recurring question and these days it's been coming back more often than usual to bug me. I take comfort in that there is Someone much bigger than me and Someone whom I cannot comprehend who holds all the answers to these questions. But man being curious creatures, I want to know when I can get these answers. And it annoys me that I have to push through 80 years in this state of confusion. And that's not even counting the life years of each subsequent generation until Judgment Day arrives. And we think waiting 3 hours in a doctor's queue is unacceptable. When I see Eve I'm going to tell her off for eating that apple.
But is life actually meant to be so mapped out like that? If our world is so vast and there are many things yet to be discovered why is it that the lives of the majority can be confined to a stigmatic cycle of study and work? Who decided that the apogees of life are graduating, getting married, and one's firstborn (actually it was my mum, but I was trying to adapt it to context)? Putting aside the economic stirrups that stimulate society to function, why can't we just laze our days away soaking up sun rays and do things that don't require brain power? What is our true purpose in life really? It's a recurring question and these days it's been coming back more often than usual to bug me. I take comfort in that there is Someone much bigger than me and Someone whom I cannot comprehend who holds all the answers to these questions. But man being curious creatures, I want to know when I can get these answers. And it annoys me that I have to push through 80 years in this state of confusion. And that's not even counting the life years of each subsequent generation until Judgment Day arrives. And we think waiting 3 hours in a doctor's queue is unacceptable. When I see Eve I'm going to tell her off for eating that apple.
posted by Xian at
4:53 AM
4 Comments:
I feel the exact same way many many times too buddy, you're not alone.
Its so easy to hit the rocks on the road, be totally drained out and overwhelmed by a mountain load of reading that has to be done, just because your curriculum demands for it.
like yourself, I sometimes question myself why I'm spending 4 hours tediously poring over some boring textbook, whats the purpose of mugging for exams in university when the experience of working in the real world is so vastly different, what my motives for wanting to be in the medical profession, or whats my general purpose in this Life. I like to call this the "exhausted and weary" period, just coz its this time period when I desperately need some inspiration and motivation to do the things I have to do, before I tempted to give up and call it quits.
Mr Chambers inspired me the other day when he said: "We all have many dreams and aspirations when we are young, but sooner or later we realize we have no power to accomplish them. We cannot do the things we long to do --> hence our tendency is think of our dreams and aspirations as dead. But God comes and says to us: Arise from the dead...."
when our Mighty Father sends us His inspiration, it gives us miraculous power to "rise from the dead" and do the impossible. Not to say this inspiration will give us superhuman powers to move mountains and start flying, but, only God can make it possible for us do the menial tiresome tasks we dont want to do. How rad is that?
So if studying feels like a boring and painful chore at the moment, it might help to remember that you are doing it for Him. Cuz when our mighty Father in Heaven does something through us, He transforms us in the process.
Its really good that you actually bother to reflect and question your motives and goals in Life rather than aimlessly study party and play it away. 80 years is such a limited span of time we have on earth, I can't wait for the eternal life that has yet to come!
Realised that I've babbled on too much..LOL
hope this helps :D
By
mee siam, At
1:40 PM
actually just wanted to tell u that eve didn't eat an apple. at least we're not sure la coz it's only stated as a fruit. :P
but yeah, i understand how you feel. that's why i always try to enjoy the process of what i'm doing instead of just thinking of the results. like law, i enjoy the process but get sucky results. *pout*
anyway we'll get tired when we try too hard to comprehend things beyond our comprehension so just trust in Him n take things a step at a time la. ;)
By
Unknown, At
8:54 AM
Eat chocolate-coated sunflower seeds while watching the Elmo & Andrea Bocelli episode! Instant pick-me-up. :)
I'm trying to stop whining so much these days so.. yah. Let's all work hard and get our summa cum laudes, wheee~ :D
By
Ennie, At
4:07 AM
Thanks you guys :D
Mich, thanks for the awesome quote. Thank you Oswald Chambers too. I've been trying to apply these days, even to my daily devotion. Things are looking a little better, yay!
MF, stop trying to be smart. I wish you could be here so we can study law together, eat duck rice together, watch Naruto and Bleach together and spur each other on when we get lazy.
E, we haven't been to Korea Town recently. So haven't been able to stock up on choco-coated sunflower seeds. Sob.
By
Xian, At
1:17 AM
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