Signs?

Better days, in a butt-ugly photo!

Just as my relationship with Eugene has temporarily tanked (or to be politically correct, timed out), all of a sudden the blogosphere is abuzz with posts like, How Do Couples keep the Spark Alive in Their Relationship? (by kennysia and Nicolekiss) and, my favourite, this one on the significance of fighting in a relationship by Su Ann. I am not personally acquainted with Su Ann, but I stumbled upon her blog one day and I have been checking back every week for updates ever since. I don't have a knack for complimenting people (especially when they are 18 years of age) but she seems to have a natural flair for expressing her thoughts in a manner that keeps you hooked onto every word. She doesn't use big words that affect the coherence of an article like this "unassuming" writer, and as princessy as she claims to be, I like that she also appreciates issues affecting the real world eg the judiciary debacle. And that's good, because we detest bimbos. Her writing is simple and straight to the point, wishy washiness not included.

I'll quote an excerpt from her post if you can't be bothered to read it:

"so i see now that what i used to think was perfect, actually does not exist; but what do exist are relationships that are rough around the edges, yet are centered around two people who recognize the flaws in their relationship and mutually want to work at perfecting it, while loving and supporting each other all the way. it’s all about two people who will always remain excited about each other and never want to give up at what they have."

That cut right down to the bone. I think one other important reason for why Eugene and I really need this time out is because we've come to the point where our fights only serve to breed more discord and animosity. What should be happening is that we realise that we have our differences, but we put them aside because we love each other, and we want to respect the other for who they are. A fight is just a learning process. The who's right-who's wrong argument is so passé; we should really be embracing our dissimilarities, applying it to the relationship, and from thereon continue growing and be glad that we've learned something new about our partner.

I just wish I could get out of this rut because as much as I've accepted this time out (for a month apparently, but I have a feeling it will spill over into Xmas), it's still difficult for me to get used to his absence. Even our occasional conversations sound robotic - "hi what did you do today", "oh this and that blablabla". And I know this sounds so self-centred because he has problems of his own to deal with and I'm supposed to be supportive and all, but I don't feel any love radiating from him. That makes me sad, because he really is my favourite person you know?

I know not all of you know we're on a time out, and if this post has just made you more confused about what's going on, I'll probably explain it to you when I can. I don't like myself when I'm sombre and moody, so I bought a journal the other day to pen down my thoughts. Writing out how I feel really does help. I call it my R&R, for wRiting-&-Releasing. I used to type out letters to Eugene on Microsoft Word whenever I felt I was being reasonably or unreasonably annoyed with him and after I was done, I'd save it, and two days later I'd delete it to reflect that it no longer mattered, and that I was moving on. I want to save my thoughts this time around though. I miss Eugene. Last December he blogged about being "lost at sea, on a boat in the middle of the pacific ocean, completely oblivious to the outside world. But mostly because I don't know where Xian is" :( Looks like it's gonna be a tough Christmas again this year.